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A story of a mountain lion.

A lion by nature is a magnificent animal that appears as a symbol of power, courage and nobility on family crests, coats of arms and national flags in many civilizations. However, this lion – the one I’m gonna tell a story is so different from the others in certain ways or another.

Nobody knows he was actually a lion. Everyone was capturing him as Tom the cat – funny, friendly, happy-go-lucky and cute. Irritation was unusual for him. However, because he was actually a lion-wearing-a-cat’s mask, if you look close enough, you can see that irritation was sometimes inescapable. He desired no help from anybody especially the lioness and even though if you still could muster any much courage to offer him some help, the irritation you received will only make you feel like a trapped rabbit – a feeling which is going to grate terribly on your pride.

There were times when I would look at him in a crowded ballroom, surrounded by many other species, I would have this queer feeling that he felt as lonely as the giant tortoise named Lonesome Gorge despite of all the friendliness, smiles and jokes he was offering to them. He is good at composing a mask. He is a good liar. He always spoke of affability and amiability, but his countenance expressed real anxiety. It is very hard not to offer any help to make him at ease but it did break myself into two to even try it. I can see that he refused to be taken care of. I can see that there’s a firewall to prevent someone from intruding his world. At that moment, he is not Tom anymore but Leo, the mountain lion – a creature with a heart full of pride which no one can never take it away. Thus, whatever he is selling to be a cat, I’m not buying because I’m not blind and oblivious to my surrounding but whether I am brave enough to face the lion and offer any help in the future, that is another set of story.

p/s: i miss watching APL with Darwish and listening to abah telling Darwish bedtime story about animals (oh, it comes with sound imitations too. haha~)

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I copy this from Intan’s blog who used to go to the same university with arwah Tim.

Sahabat baik aku, Fatimatussolihah Bt.Aziz Final year BDS,Salem telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada ptg semalam….aku mmg sdh nk cerita..aku terbayang2 je arwah time posting.kat class. mmg xdinafikan.aku agak rapat dgn arwah..lagi2 sejak arwah duk kt luar hostel.kat town.aku rase mcm baru je td aku kat library wat assgment sesame.lunch sesame.

then aku bgn2 tdo je ptg smlm,aku dgr tim accident. aku ngt accident biase…aku dpt msg “it’s really worst” aku xsng hati duk kt luar emergency room.. xde kbr ape2 p0n.. then aku dpt tahu dr Mr.Principal.

“call En.Khai(our JPA rep in Chennai), get ready to send Fatimah’s body back”

i was in shocked!!! mase tu aku tgh ckp ngn mak Tim. aku baru je ckp.”kami xtau ape2 lagi makcik,kami semua tggu kat luar” 2times Principal ckp mcm tu..aku xnk percaye. sbb xnk lost hope.sbb nothng hav been announced yet. aku rse Tim’s mother deserve to kno da truth.then i asked Steph to call her mom n talk to Principal.

Principal ckp “Madam,I’m sorry..your daughter no longer here anymore”

mcm nk gugur jantung aku..mmg aku sdh.aku sdh sgt…. Tim g Bangalore cari serai..nk buat open house.. ajak kami masak sesame(kat umah tim)..dan baru je tim ty kan aku kelmarin..sume dah jadi…

Kemalangan tu terjadi bile tim otw back blik dr kolej to rumah diye. dlm kereta tu ade 2 org senior(CRRI),Tim n Arathy(her roomate n also our batchmate). then,from wat i heard,da car that da senior drove wanna overtake 1 car(m not sure) then ade bus kat dpn…n diye xsmpt nk patah balik..

i saw da car n da bus.it was really worst..i cant imagine da impact there..da car almost half hancur..4 org yg terlibat.. 3meninggal(driver di tmpt kejadian,Arathy bile smpi hosp, Tim after dat)n 1 senior in coma.

ptg semalam aku g umah Tim,nk amik pasport.then. i saw her gold necklace,bracelet n earing yg sememangnye diye slalu pakai(esp the necklace) in 1 plastic yg leh seal tuh. awlnye kami ngt sume brg kemas diye hilang time incident tuh. bile msuk rumah diye aku rase sebak je..mcm2 kenangan dtg..

i miss her already…

to Fatimah’s Family… salam takziah…tim sgt baik dgn semua org esp batchmates.. kami sgt syg kan tim… dan akan merindui dan terasa dgn kehilangannya… kami doakan rohnya dicucuri rahmat…

Al-FATIHAH…

and may ARATHY SREEKUMAR, SABREE SIR R.I.P.. n may MOHKSIN SIR recover from coma sooner..

p/s= when I was reading this sentence, “Madam,I’m sorry..your daughter no longer here anymore”.. I was thinking what’s her mother’s reaction. I hope she took it well and I can’t help wondering too, what if I was Tim. What if the ‘madam’ the principal was referring to is mama? will she take it well? I still remember when abg wan died few years ago in a motorcycle accident on his way to class, anjang passed out the moment she knew the news. I hope mama is much more stronger than that.

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when is mine?

I was studying for my upcoming exam and there’re few things that I didn’t quite understand. Thus, as lazy as I am to open all those thick books to search for further explanations, I just google it. While waiting for the page to load, I checked my facebook. Suddenly, something caught my eyes – “shikin, tim dah xde”.

Was my brain working properly? Was I awake or still sleeping? Were my eyes deceiving me? I searched for my handphone. There are few trunk calls and messages that I missed. (I usually ignore my handphone when I’m studying).

Horror washed through me.

God, it’s true!

I started to feel a fine tremor. Of all the people that I know in the world, it was Tim! The one who used to sit in front of me in the class and sleep besides me in the dormitory?

And the tears drew up on the rims of my eyes in no time. The harsh pain of this knowledge made me realize that if today is her time to go, when is mine?

I was wondering if I was Tim, if I was to die yesterday, will I go to heaven if I purposely sin all the time? Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me. Every year, I wish I am a better Muslim than the year before. I wish to change. I wish I didn’t do all the same sins I did before but I never be strong enough to keep my words. It was only a matter of time–and not much of it–before I started to do the same mistakes.

Few years before, I always pray to God that if my deeds are enough to take me to the heaven, please take my life away before He does it to my mom and dad because I don’t think I am strong enough to live without them but now I hope before I die I will have an opportunity to have a big family with many children so that they will pray for me when I’m gone because I do believe nobody but nobody is going to remember me when I’m gone let alone pray for me.

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