I had trouble writing something on my blog. This is one of few reasons why sometimes it looks dead because I constantly found myself writing several paragraphs only to delete it, deciding whether I wanted to write something else instead or it sounds too childish or I didn’t want others to read it at all as it seems personal. The latter explains why there are so many password-protected posts lately. Even though I kept on thinking why I even bother posting it when I am as clear as a crystal that I have zero intention to let the public read it, I still kept clicking the ‘publish’ button and I felt so sorry for the readers, if I have any though.
I couldn’t find any interesting subject to share. As a solution, I took time off to clear my head; in place of writing, I will turn to reading. I had been keeping a track with a few blogs that I found their style of writing proves something unique and creative. In fact, sometimes, I had spent too much time on them in order just to understand the basis of their idea because it requires a kind of concentration that casual reading will just not do but they won’t fail you as they will always came up with something intriguing.
But, I did realize that lacking of idea is not what that halt me from writing. It was just an excuse.
What I suffered was the fear of comprehension from readers and individuals whom I have acquainted with. I was afraid that when I write about lion, people might know that I am not literally referring to a lion. And I was afraid for any gamut interpretation made by them too as everything I write, it was done not for the world to interpret it. Truth be told- I don’t want a world to be filled with me.
Hafiz may say in his column that words may contribute to violence behavior but for me, words may contribute to awkwardness and I do fear the capability of the words to subvert peace and stability because word is the most powerful weapon of all. Sometimes because of a few words, people are not being as candid and left with tongue-tied. That is something that I would like to prevent. Do you know how torturing it is when you realize that someone is being careful with you just because of those words you write?
This was a small problem yet it gradually grew in weight that it began to adversely affect my willingness to write.