1. I’ve been MIA for a while lately due for a few reasons:
- KKN : but thank god it ends last week. Basically, what we do was just wasting a lot of precious time. Actually, if we look at the bright side, KKN is actually a good program. It can help me to try and learn to speak bahasa indonesia as i’m going to use it later during my clinical year as well as helping me to understand their culture. (Even though they’re nice to me, I know deep inside their heart, shadows of hatred towards us always lurk somewhere). But I’m not particularly warm and thrill with the way they’d organized it. They talk more but do less. They don’t take serious in almost everything.
- THESIS: Suffice it to say, this year I’ll be very busy reading those convoluted journals, commuting to the hospital and conducting a survey. I’m obviously are not into experimenting rat or mice nor examining someone stool or saliva or sputum. My thesis is about the risk factors associated with failure to receive vaccinations. So, it’s under pediatrics and public health department. I don’t have a clear answer why I pick this topic. I just realize that, up to now, after more than 3 years learning about human, I’m only comfortable with kids. Yes, I’m having problem examining adult, regardless the gender. I feel nervous. I feel like they’re judging and are not comfortable with me too. (Off the record, i really think that I’m some kind of social retard. heh!) In the future, I am thinking of becoming a cardiothoracic surgeon or a pediatrician but then, like the most of the women out there, I want to have a family too, so I don’t think the choice number 1 is gonna be easy. In fact, I’m not very good in handling pressure. Ergo, maybe it’s wise to just stick to a pediatrician.
- EXAMS: I’m having a lot of exams on January 4th until January 11th. (Yes, this is going to be the 2nd time that i’m celebrating my birthday with exams). And to be frank, I know nothing about this block. We’re now in the GastroIntestinal block. It should be the easiest but seriously, I am so blank. I need to catch up and I have less than 2 weeks to do so.
- LANGUAGE: the other reason why I don’t write so often anymore is the language barrier. I have the impression that my english are getting worst. Thanks for sending me to kkn. (Off the record, here, the person who’s taking english literature doesn’t even know how to spell thirteen correctly. God!) I know the very first reason why I start blogging is actually to help to improve my english but it’s so embarrassing to actually speak english so brokenly.
- PRIVACY: I talk too much about my very own self lately and somehow I hate it. I’ve become too open. I don’t know whether it’s the pressure that I’m letting my guard down or I’m trying to beg the world to understand me but seriously, after gaining my sanity and perspective, I don’t think it’s a good idea at all. I’ve become too mellow and weak. I can’t hold everything up to my own self. I need to regain my self-conscious back before I do embarrass my own self with only God knows what I’ll do next.
2. I’m turning 23 in 17 days..
- I still have 1 thing that I’m supposed to do which is due on January 4th, but I am not sure I can fulfill it.
- There’s is some kind of tradition among my housemates to conduct a surprise birthday party for every single birthday every year. Last year, they brought us (me and nadiah) to a waterfall after a prank sms from fuad saying that there’s a meeting with some jpa officers at bale. I think this year, they’re trying to host a party at an island as Noddy keep asking me whether I’m going back home on January holiday and trying to buy me into staying and going to this island which I forgot the name.
- 23 is a very big number. Am I big enough? I’m scared to grow. Can I just freeze the time or go back to the time where I don’t have to think about anything else except making a mess around the house? Does life have to be this complicated? How long can I still breathe before I join Tim, Abg Wan, Tok and Tok Wan?
3. I’m going home on January 11th – January 24th 2010.
- Finally, I make up my mind not to go back on christmas and new year holiday but to go back after all the exams. I think I’m strong enough to endure a few more weeks. Have a little faith in me, mama…
- Can’t wait for the time to fly fast.
- Can’t wait to fight with Darwish the hooligan.