I was studying for my upcoming exam and there’re few things that I didn’t quite understand. Thus, as lazy as I am to open all those thick books to search for further explanations, I just google it. While waiting for the page to load, I checked my facebook. Suddenly, something caught my eyes – “shikin, tim dah xde”.
Was my brain working properly? Was I awake or still sleeping? Were my eyes deceiving me? I searched for my handphone. There are few trunk calls and messages that I missed. (I usually ignore my handphone when I’m studying).
Horror washed through me.
God, it’s true!
I started to feel a fine tremor. Of all the people that I know in the world, it was Tim! The one who used to sit in front of me in the class and sleep besides me in the dormitory?
And the tears drew up on the rims of my eyes in no time. The harsh pain of this knowledge made me realize that if today is her time to go, when is mine?
I was wondering if I was Tim, if I was to die yesterday, will I go to heaven if I purposely sin all the time? Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me. Every year, I wish I am a better Muslim than the year before. I wish to change. I wish I didn’t do all the same sins I did before but I never be strong enough to keep my words. It was only a matter of time–and not much of it–before I started to do the same mistakes.
Few years before, I always pray to God that if my deeds are enough to take me to the heaven, please take my life away before He does it to my mom and dad because I don’t think I am strong enough to live without them but now I hope before I die I will have an opportunity to have a big family with many children so that they will pray for me when I’m gone because I do believe nobody but nobody is going to remember me when I’m gone let alone pray for me.